.bruising my ego.

It is sad but true how tiny little mistakes can alter events in ways that will affect your life in very dramatic ways.

This morning I was in a car accident. Yes, I was at fault. You see, in Richmond, especially around the area that I work, there are a lot of cars that park on the streets. There are dozens of little stop signs tucked away, far back from a clear view of the road. This morning, about three blocks from the church, I stopped at one of these little stop signs, looked both ways, didn’t see anyone, and moved forward. Unfortunately, there was someone. A 25 year old girl named Stephanie from Mechanicsville, VA, ready and excited about a job interview lined up for this afternoon. Also, Stephanie was apparently in a bad car accident as a child and has since been mortified of the prospect of getting hit. I, unfortunately for both of us, stepped in at the perfect moment to fulfill one of her deepest fears. Awesome.

Now, as I wait on the insurance company to call me back to give me news about a rental car and whatever else in this mess I have to deal with (like the possibility of my poor little neon being totaled), I feel completely humbled. 

We start to get confident in our own abilities when things have been going our own way, don’t we? Like, after five years of at least not being the cause of any motor-vehicular accidents, I was starting to believe that yeah, I’m a pretty good driver. I don’t need to worry so much as I used to. I even forgot how it felt to be the reason why my mom’s car insurance went up, why my car was totaled, and how I possibly could have seriously hurt someone. 

Yeah, that feeling complete sucks. It sucks to know that you’re to blame for something very, very serious, and that if you had done one of a thousand little things differently, you wouldn’t be in this sorry spot. I am not physically hurt, (although my thumb has the tiniest, inexplicable cut on it) but my spirit is aching with regret and guilt and humility. Yes, it was an accident and accidents do happen… but I still feel angry at myself, like somehow this makes me a worse person as a whole, because I couldn’t keep it from happening.

Honestly, it’s gotten me thinking – I think the same principles can be applied for our spiritual lives. We start to feel pretty confident in the way things are going, like we can handle the day to day tasks of living on our own, and we forget the need to constantly be in prayer or looking into the Word. God basically knows what we were going to say, and we basically know what’s written there, so as long as we’re aware of that general knowledge, things should go pretty smoothly.

Until, of course, something unexpected happens. A family member dies, or a friend betrays us… and out of nowhere – BAM! Why wasn’t I ready for that? I know things like that are eventually going to happen, so why wasn’t I more on the look out for it? Now I feel distant to God and I’m too upset to know where to begin on getting back into a deep relationship with Him. 

So, a word to the wise: Be on guard. Safeguard your heart. Don’t slack up on your faith in a good season, because you never know when a bad season is going to ambush you. You’re going to have a lot of regrets and anger and guilt if something you weren’t ready for takes you by surprise and you could’ve been preparing for it all the while.