I screwed up. I suck. And I’m sorry.

Sometimes in life, you just screw up. There’s no excuse for it, and there’s no getting around it. You make a huge mistake that changes everything, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it because the damage is already done. Sure, you can apologize. Sure, you can try to make up for it. But really… it doesn’t change anything. You still suck.

So, today is one of those days for me. I don’t know how to fix the fact that sometimes I’m absent-minded, but to my head it doesn’t seem to matter if something is trivial or really *really* important. It can still get forgotten. Part of me wants to say that I can’t be blamed for certain synapses not firing in my brain at the correct time, but really even though it wasn’t at all intentional… it’s still wholly and completely my fault. I can express how mortified I am about the situation, but it doesn’t solve it. I could even promise to never let it happen again… but that would just be a lie because I can’t really promise that. It might happen again. I might be a complete and utter idiot some other time and do the exact same thing.

So how to I relieve this throbbing feeling in my chest? How can I prove just how sorry I am? Sitting, pouting, stressing, and writing about it on a blog certainly doesn’t make it any better, but doing anything other than that honestly feels …almost immoral. Like if I wallow and repent for long enough, maybe this guilty feeling with subside.

Unfortunately, that’s not how forgiveness works. And when it comes to people, there’s no formula I can try or dance I can do to automatically make it better. I just have to hope and pray that an individual will find it in their heart to forgive me, even if I violated their trust and fell short on a promise I made.

I made a mistake. And honestly it doesn’t matter what that mistake was. To some people it might be a big deal, and to others they might just brush it off. That’s not the point. The point is: I screwed up. I suck. And I’m sorry.

(And no, I’m not freaking pregnant)